So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
