Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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