I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
