I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
