So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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