we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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