OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
