We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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