Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
