i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
