If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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