It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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