Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
