No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
