I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Couch. On fire.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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