dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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