and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
