I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
