I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
