If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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