After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
