How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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