Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
