I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
