I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
