that's an acceptable place to lick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
