i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
