I puked a lego.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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