how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
