Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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