Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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