He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
