just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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