so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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