I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
