I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
