I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
