I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
