You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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