K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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