You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
