The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
