so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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