I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
