I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
