No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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