You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
