Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
