I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
