...so i touched it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
