Where is the hickey?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
