It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
